On March 20, 2026, at Lincoln South Rotary Club, we heard from Jerry Bockoven, Ph.D. His topic was Behind the Door: The Secret Hiding Place of Emotional Resilience.
Dr. Bockoven shared these notes with me:
Emotional resilience is the power to absorb, recover from, and even grow from painful emotions. Finding this power can be tricky. In his presentation, Dr. Bockoven used a teaching story to illustrate our human tendency to avoid difficult emotions, noting that while doing so can help us get through hard times, it does not help us build emotional resilience in the long run. Since what we resist persists, avoiding painful feelings only makes them stronger and us weaker.
Dr. Bockoven suggested that emotional resilience is found by making the counterintuitive and audacious decision to open up to and intentionally experience difficult emotions. When we do, those emotions lose their power, and we get stronger. He illustrated the benefits of embracing anxiety and anger by reading two poems found in his book “What Rhymes with Therapy.” These poems depicted how embracing anxiety and anger can teach us about ourselves and ultimately build our power to deal with and grow from our emotional experiences.
Dr. Bockoven was able engage us - and keep us engaged as he included some light-hearted stories while he addressed the serious topic of emotional resilience.
He started out by telling a story of a woman with a big dream for her future. She was looking forward to a good career, a nice home with a garden, friendly neighbors and was planning to hold a grand party to celebrate. Once in her home she planned the party - passing invitations out to all of the neighbors or putting in their doors.
Guests showed up. They were enjoying the food and the drinks. They were enjoying the beautiful garden. And then came Edna.
This woman had a scowl on her face and we found out that she was a difficult person. The host asked her to stay in the kitchen and she would bring her food and drink - anything she wanted. But Edna pushed her way to the party - was rude to the guests and generally unpleasant. The Host tried a couple of times to keep her out so as not to ruin the positive event.
Dr. Bockoven used this story to explain that we may all have "Ednas" in our life - not physical "Ednas" but distressing thoughts. We may have an inner critic, or be a relentless judge, or a demanding perfectionist. Our emotional "Ednas" might be sadness, grief, fear, depression, anger, humiliation, disgust, shame, guilt, helplessness, and anxiety.
If we push them away too much, then we lose power. They become stronger. If we are able to address our "Ednas', we are not just getting through it - but getting stronger.
He shared a little about bias - that we all tend to have bias. But, what that does is label people as we think they are. But instead they may be acting the way they are because of the situation they are in. He said we can face them better if we separate what is "it" vs. what is "me".
Dr. Bockoven also stated that anger is not necessarily a bad thing. But, we need to temper it.
He shared:
The pain, fear, loneliness, and betrayal you carry are not enemies to escape from, but teachers to be embraced.
~ ~ C. G Jung
BIO (from https://drjerrybockoven.com/about-the-author/)
A native of Lincoln, Nebraska, Jerry Bockoven received a BA degree from Sioux Falls College in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. He went on to receive a Master of Divinity degree from North American Baptist Seminary in Sioux Falls and was ordained in the American Baptist Church. He served as a parish minister in South Dakota for several years during which time he was honored as the state’s minister of the year. He subsequently received his M.S. and Ph.D. degrees in counseling psychology from the University of Oregon.
Dr. Bockoven began his work as a psychologist at the Norfolk Regional Center specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of individuals with chronic and persistent mental illness. From there, he went to the Lincoln Regional Center’s Forensic Unit where he worked with mentally disordered criminal offenders. During the decade of the 90’s, he served as Executive Director of the Samaritan Counseling Center in Lincoln where he specialized in relationship issues, anxiety and depression problems, trauma recovery and spiritual concerns. He then spent 12 years at Nebraska Wesleyan University in Lincoln where he served as Chair of the psychology department, achieved tenure and was promoted to full professor. While at Wesleyan, he also maintained a private clinical practice through Orr Psychotherapy Resources in Lincoln and was a leadership consultant for Methodist clergy. Following his time at Wesleyan, he worked with returning war veterans at the VA Nebraska Western Iowa Health Care Systems and retired in 2021. He was recently given the title of Professor Emeritus of Psychology by Nebraska Wesleyan and is writing a history of Wesleyan’s psychology department.
Dr. Bockoven is an active public speaker and has published several articles on self-esteem and social skills development in professional journals as well as a book entitled “What Rhymes with Therapy?” Aside from his professional involvements, Dr. Bockoven enjoys his two children and three grandchildren. His hobbies include music, close-up magic, and travel.